Monday, April 30, 2012

THE GUY BFF.


While we are on the topic of friendships, let’s tackle another matter I can’t quite figure out. Friends of the opposite sex. Now, I think it’s alright to have guy friends via social media. The guys we went to school with or have met during our lifetime. Enough contact to know how they’re doing, stay friendly and maybe run into one another while out and about. However, I feel it’s important to keep a fair amount of distance. In my experience when a guy wants to take you to dinner or hang out one on one it’s more forced than casual. High school was easy, I had my two girlfriends by my side and didn’t really need to invest in a guy best friend. But as I got older those girl friends came unglued and moved away. I was left feeling lonely with no one to confide in. And for whatever reason, boys were the only people ever willing to listen… so I gave in only to be let down. I don’t know if they got the wrong idea or what but they all eventually disappeared.. Either they gave up hope of being more than friends or started dating someone and basically forgot about me. I really can’t wrap my mind around any other possible explanation for their abandonment. That’s not friendship.

Girls- What’s your take on having a guy BFF? Do they stick around after you get married? or disappear when another woman enters their life? Is it possible to keep a close friendship when there are spouses involved?

Guys- vice versa.. ?

7 comments:

  1. I think if your guy BFF gets along with your boyfriend/husband then you can maintain a friendship, but in my experience (mostly through friends because all my guy bffs are gay and therefore not a threat), guys get jealous and it will be the boyfriend or husband threatened by the guy friend more than anything. I think if all 3 people are secure in their role then it's possible though! :)

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  2. I can't help but think this is in response to my comment. I promise I have no ulterior motives. I was simply stating that we could be friends outside the comfort of social media.

    I have female friends who I have taken out for dinner and other events multiple times. Never have I thought it was forced onto them. One of which is married but her husband knows me, and trust me when I hang out with her. I will say it's easier to ask them both to hang out and I get a date to double date. I know a few other married couples who still have there opposite sex friends. I think it really does depend on the people involved.

    Sometimes you just have to take a chance and see what happens.

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  3. It's hard to maintain relationships with the opposite sex post marriage. A close friendship becomes awkward and incites jealous spouses. It might also become an emotional affair for those involved and detract from where the focus needs to be -- at home.

    That being said, I still can't seem to have lasting relationships with women who aren't married. One of us always develops some sort of feelings and is hurt when the other does not reciprocate.

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  4. This is in response to your comment - Correct me if I am wrong but wouldn't you want to marry your best friend. So that's a close relationship with the opposite sex that would continue into marriage. But in order to do so, you have to invest your time in guy friends. Yes, a few will walk away but there will be a few who stay around. And perhaps one of those who stayed around will be your husband.

    And your statement about only wanting to get to know you. That's how any relationship starts. Would you rather the guy be blunt and say I want to make sweet love to you? It's probably not going to be that sweet.

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  5. i actually have a guy BFF. when he meets a new girl things do slow down for us, but then things pick back up. i guess it just depends on the person. my guy friend has always been there and he is always honest and gives me great advice when i need it. he has never hit on me and we have even slept in the same bed and nothing has ever happened (and no he is not gay). i guess you just gotta find the right guy


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    Hope to see you there! Thanks so much!
    Emily

    http://emilymmeyers.blogspot.com/2012/05/giveaway-time-again.html

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  7. Whether they say it or not... there is always something underlying for at least one of the parties.. that's why the friendship sparked right? It's whether you act on it or not that makes it awkward and blurs the lines a bit. Sometimes it's best to acknowledge the attraction and state that you are better off friends than in a different kind of relationship together.

    When in a relationship.. jealousy is often times too big of an issue. Even if there is nothing to be jealous of, just a boyfriend's nature. I'd be jealous too if my guy had a girl BFF. Why isn't your significant other enough? The exception is the boyfriend's friends and vice versa.

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