Friday, November 6, 2015

ON PERFECTIONISM


I started journaling in the fifth grade thanks to my English teacher’s overwhelming encouragement. As I grew older, blogging platforms like Livejournal and Xanga emerged and I was hooked! I wrote about anything and everything – lots of teenage angst back then. But no matter how large of a following I grew online or how many stacks of overflowing composition books I accumulated, I’d always feel self-conscious about my story. The vulnerability of letting yourself be fully seen and accepting past struggles is absolutely terrifying! I trashed every single notebook and deleted countless web entries. It truly pains me now, to know I could have kept them for reflection purposes. Or simply as preservation.

Luckily in 2011 something clicked because rather than erasing my archives I switched them to private. The perfectionist in me continued to create new blogs with that ever alluring “fresh start”. Constantly attempting to produce the illusion of having my shit together. But I know now, that there is a difference between healthy striving and perfectionism. Pretending to appear perfect will not shield me from shame, judgment or blame. Perfectionism is an unattainable goal and I have decided to start owning my story. All of it, in all its awkwardness.

I didn’t have the capacity to be courageous back then but today, I’m willing to try. My two previous blogs are now merged with this one.

Happy Friday! What makes you feel brave?
This post was inspired by Brene Brown's - The Gifts of Inperfection

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